Open Eye Insert Fork

So..I have been thinking...Maybe I should throw in some more of "myself" into my blogging.  Yes, we all think it's freaking hilarious to hear about my experiences from day to day life (especially when I buy things from gay door-to-door salesmen) and hear about the foolishness that I get involved in.  But maybe I should be letting more people "into" my life.  I mean, that's what "blogging" is all about, right? Letting people into your world.  Giving them a glimpse of what your life is like and what your mind is thinking.  I feel as though I've kept the blogging to a surface level, meaning, I've told everyone about what actually goes on in my life and the situations and experiences that I have, but I really don't think I've let anyone really into my head or brought anyone to the level that may be more than superficial.  So I'm thinking I'll be switching things up now and then and writing posts that may be more on a "feeling level".  I think it may be more therapeutic for me and it's my blog, so..that's that.  But, for sure there's one thing: I will NEVER talk about anything political because I HATE POLITICS and anything to do with that crazy agenda.  I guess that more than not you can guess how someone stands by the way they write and how they feel, but let's leave it at that.  

So, on another level, we brought the kids to the "Y" today for a family swim and it was ridiculous how mortified I was.  I love the pool and all, but they have chairs all around the pool and there were people all sitting in those chairs just STARING into the water and looking at what's going on.  And, yes, I do have a low self-esteem when it comes to my body...What woman doesn't?  Especially when you KNOW you have not been working out, or taking care of your body, you FEEL self conscious through every pore of your body...Well, most women do, in my experience.  And in my professional experience, this is true.  Woman are certainly less gracious when it comes to looking at themselves in the mirror.  And, um, the bathing suit? Is of the devil.  It is a torture device for those over the age of, probably 25 or for those of us with the battle scars of children.  

Do I think I'm fat? No. I don't.  Do I think I'm out of shape and hear me thighs screaming at me and my rear doing a dance every step I take? YES. So there you go. One's own eyes are certainly unforgiving and walking into that pool with my rear facing all those chairs, I wanted to DIE.  On one hand, it is great motivation to be healthy and work hard and eat right.  On the other hand, it makes me so incredibly MAD that I feel this way.  Or that any woman should feel this way.  And acceptance is not coming soon as I see the new Armani ad with Victoria Beckham looking EXTREMELY hungry and despretely in need of nourishment, yet looking so incredibly elegant and defined that it is intriguing.  

So a goal for myself would be to be introspective and to be more positive about my image.  I need to look in the mirror and see the GOOD and not focus on the bad.  And THAT, my friends, is a challenge.  And I pass the challenge on to you, today.  And, for the love of god, DO NOT look at the Victoria Beckham ad unless you're prepared to want to stick a fork in your eye. 

Comments

[Willow]

i looked..... i want to stick a fork in her mouth!!!
i was talking to one of my cycle instructors at the gym (will shortly be writing about the ordeal and my insane envy) and discussed how there is such a fine middle road..... too much or too little and you are shunned..... the middle? that is for the extremely rare few.....
yep, i want to go purge now..... and then padlock my fridge and pantry..... of which my new bikini's are hanging..... barf!!