Bring you Down to Chinatown

So I had quite the weekend.  So much so that I am still recovering.  Kids go down for a nap and so do I.  It's sad, really.  I used to be so full of energy and life.  Now? That I'm 30? I feel like an empty shell of which something has sucked the life out of me with a straw.  Maybe like one of those tropical drinks served in coconuts with the umbrellas? Except the coconut is empty and the umbrella is left at the bottom to rot. Yeah. That's exactly how I feel.

On Saturday I took a bus trip to NYC ( what's up NYC?!?)...Except that the bus left the parking lot at 7am.  And my friend picked me up at my house at 6am.  Which meant I was up at 5:30am.  I seriously do not think I have been up that early since my children were newborns.  And even then it was extremely painful and felt like a form of torture.  This is another reason why I will not be producing any more offspring. 
So here I was at this ungodly hour gulping down coffee as if my life depended on it. All I wanted was to zone out for a while on the bus and take my time waking up.  I take a while to actually mentally be on my game.  I really don't even know my name first thing in the mornings and I think I slur my speech for the first hour that I am awake.  So I sat in my seat with my coffee and english muffin and started to zone.
Don't you know that the woman running this bus trip wanted to play an effing GAME?!? In the morning?!?! Are you kidding me?!? And a raffle?!? I wanted to shoot someone.  And the game involved passing these freaking horses around the bus like we were simulating the Kentucky Derby. Yup.  Just wanted me and my coffee and my Ipod and I have horses in my hands. And a lady shouting over the loud speaker of the bus.  And the speaker kept screaming with feedback, so that was a bonus I didn't pay for.
So we arrive in NYC at about 10am (still pretty gosh darn early in my book) and my friend (BFF), Jill and I hit the pavement.  We grabbed breakfast and then made our way onto Fifth Avenue.  Also known as "Mama's Greatest Place on Earth"..Sephora, MAC, Aldo, Pucci, Coach, Tiffany, Cartier, And the list goes on and on.  My eyes glitter when I am on Fifth Ave and I think I may resemble something looking like a caged animal.  I also develop ADHD while on Fifth as my mind and body pull me in all sorts of directions at once..."Go into Coach! No! Wait! Make your way into Tiffanys! Oh! Look at Sephora and how beautiful it is! And OH MY GOD! There is Saks!" And so it goes with me and Fifth Ave.
Of course I HAD to travel into Saks and make my way to the 8th floor...The floor that holds all of my hopes and dreams.  All of my desires and all of my life's promise. The floor of DESIGNER SHOES.  And there they were all glinting and winking at me.  Calling my name and begging me to give them a home.  Christian Louboutin had a pair of high heeled docksiders that I just about FAINTED over and had to take a hit off of my inhaler just to touch them. They were the most adorable thing I have seen in a looooooong time.  Really?  The pics do not give them justice.  To see them in person is truly breathtaking. 
After Saks and after I regained my composure, we had lunch with my cousin, Jenna and had a blast at a Mexican joint down on Broadway.  It was a lunch of girl talk and giggling.  So wonderful to see her and she looked gorgeous as usual.  We told Jenna that we wanted to go into Chinatown to check out the "purses" and shopping .  She was down with helping us get there and helped us navigate the subway.  Now....First on the subway, I was paranoid about seeing rats because I had heard that the city is overrun with them.  So I was keeping my eyes peeled and was ready to scream and jump on a seat whether it be occupied or not to get away from the rat.  We all know how fond I am of anything to do with mice, or mouse-like creatures.  And second on the subway, anytime anyone coughed or sneezed my mind was screaming in alarm "SWINE FLU!!!!!!! SWINE FLU!!!!"  Even though I feel like I'm not afraid of the swine flu, one cannot ignore such things in confined spaces and when sharing the same air with people who may or may not Lysol their bodies.
Jill and I get to Chinatown and as soon as I step off the subway I have a man in my ear "You want Louis Vuitton? Chanel? Coach? Tiffany?" I turn in alarm. Whhhhhhhhhaaaaaat? Do I want them? YES! We continue to walk and these voices are in my ears from various people and little laminated pictures are shoved in my hands. "You want one of these? (pointing to the Louis Vuitton bags on the laminated page) I go and get it for you.." Oh man. This is perfect! People bringing stuff to me on the streets!
We wandered into a shop that was selling some odds and ends.  A man approached us and asked "You want to see Coach?" HECK YES! So we were lead to a back room.  I swear. A door opened up from NOWHERE after the man shouted something into his walkie talkie and pressed the doorbell.  All I could think was "OK..If I'm being sold into sex slavery...At least I will have a Coach purse." We went into a room that was FULL OF DESIGNER purses of every make, model and size.  I was in awe.  Of course they were fake, but they were still a sight..And, hey, no one has to know that it's not REAL..Right? Hey! We're in a recession! So we look around at the purses and then discover that we can bargain for the purses.  Hence NOT PAY FULL PRICE.  They say "You pay $60"  Ummmmm...no. I got that purse for $28 thank you.  I am the ultimate bargain shopper.  It's like I belong in Chinatown. 
I think we probably went in about 15 of these "secret rooms" and each one amazed me more.  Some we in basements..Some were in attics, some were in trap doors and still others were like magic.  They appeared out of nowhere.  And the police? We swarming everywhere.  Apparently it's illegal it SELL the fake purses, but legal to BUY the purses.  If you can figure that one out, let me know because I'm still reeling from it. Sometimes we had to wait inside one of the "rooms" until policec cleared the vacinity and then we were let out..Phew! Then I went into a "room" went out and then changed my mind and wanted a wallet I saw....I went to go back in "YOU NOT GO BACK IN THERE! POLICE THERE!" I turned and sure enough..There was a police car right in front of me as I was trying to bang down the "wall aka door" in front of me.  Boy.  I could have blown the whole covert operation with my wiley ways.
By the end of Chinatown, my senses were overwhelmed and my legs were killing me from huffing it in and out of all of the secret chambers and being all 007. Hey, I've always wanted to be a Bond girl.  And in the end, I scored some sweet deals and had an amazing day AWAY from the children.  I've never been away from them for an entire day, so this was a first and, I'll admit...I'll be looking forward to the next. Hey, a girl needs her time too..Right??  That and a pair of Christian Louboutins.

ps..DO NOT get me started about the bus ride back in which the most hideous movie was played at about 10,000 decibles. 

Comments

[Kickin']

You definitely do slur your words that early in the morning...and you're not so great at giving directions that early either! :) Glad you had a fun time (apart from the bus shenanigans of course). We will need to plan another trip, and this time I will make sure I actually get to spend the entire day with you rather than just the car ride to and from the bus!!

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I don't know if you guys have seen this yet, but at Target, their brand of goldfish are chickadees! They are so cute and PERFECT for Spring. Anyway, I had to tell ya just in case you hadn't seen them yet! Happy Easter!