Mama In Stilettos

Dinner Conversations

Another interesting dinner quote from my son (again having to do with his teeth).

"I can't eat my squash and rice Mom-my. It's rotting my teeth.  The squash and rice are going to rot my teeth, Mom-my."

Have I instilled a fear regarding my son's teeth?? Am I a dental nazi? Hey.  I'm concerned about my 3 year old and his dragon breath.  We take dental care seriously.  Excuse me while I go and floss.

My son's excuse for not eating his dinner the other night:

"Mom-my..I CAN'T eat my dinner. My teeth are already sharp. The cheese rice already made my teeth sharp."

I made risotto for dinner that night. Never knew it could sharpen teeth. Maybe I should run my knives through it and sharpen them up.

Pirate Eye

OK. I am a pirate today.  Somehow I either have something in my eye or it's scratched.  Either way it's all puffy, red and watery.  So my answer?? I still have patches from my three year old's last "pirate themed" birthday party. 

I think I should sport one.  Hey. If can't wear my eye makeup..then I need to wear the patch.  Hey. I ALWAYS rock eye makeup. Why? Because I look like an 11 year old without it.  Even if I'm sick and coughing my lungs up and living in sweats (cute sweats..mind you) best believe that I will still be wearing my cream eyeshadow and eyeliner..And quite normally, mascara. 

So now that I can only wear eye makeup on one eye and look lopsided. I choose to play pirate for the day.

Wonder how they will respond at the restaurant I will be going to tonight with a friend.  Should I throw in the "pirate accent"?  And order rum at a Vietnamese restaurant? Yes? Done.

Trail Mix Madness

I ate a half pound of trail mix today.  Body?  You've been warned.  Metabolism kick it..Overdrive time.  Bring out the big guns.  I'm not up for gaining the 5 pounds again.

Or maybe I should ration myself?  It's just a little hard when the freaking bag is SCREAMING my name from the pantry.  And whispering my name in the middle of the night. 

But I beat you last night trail mix. I didn't get up and listen to your beckoning.  Round one? Me.  Round two? Trail mix as I can still taste the dried mango.

Darn you Costco! You and your SUPER SIZED bag of DELICIOUS trail mix.

That's it.  No more buying it.  Oh geez.  But it even talks to me in Costco!  And the samples?? Win me over EVERY TIME. 

I know your game Costco.

Pumpkin Head

So my youngest turned 2 years old this past weekend, and no, I didn't write an entry dedicated to her...But I will. I promise. When I get my NEW COMPUTER. Yes, this is HUGE news because I haven't had one in so effing long since my mini-me spilled my entire Snapple on my "motherboard".  Don't even get me started on the word "motherboard".  It tells so much about life in general.  Women hold the key to the universe. We are the "motherboards". That's all I'm sayin'. Why would tekkies choose to call the brains of a computer the "motherboard?"

So.....Last week I decided that I wanted to save myself a little money and dye my hair at home instead of dropping over a hundred dollars at the salon.  Why not? How hard can it be? My mother encouraged me to take a trip with her to the beauty supply store and I was so excited to dye my own hair! At my house! In half the time and a quarter of the money! 

Something screwed up. Or I screwed up or the DYE screwed up (I swear..It totally was the DYE) and I ended up with hair the color of a pumpkin.  Bright orange.  You know what I did? No. I didn't have the energy or will to dance it out.  So I cried.  And then I got so frickin' mad.  Shouldn't I know by now that I just shouldn't touch my hair?? Didn't I learn this in HIGH SCHOOL?? Word to the wise: NEVER try to DYE blond HAIR on your own. Just NEVER do it. EVER. The next day?  I had to work out looking like a leprechaun.  I felt like I should be handing out Lucky Charms at the door to the Y.  Or at least pouring bowls for my friends after a long and hard workout.

So while I was in the throws of what we'll call "pumpkin head" I went to my favorite hip hop class (which I OWN) and my friend goes "It not that bad, Mama". I was thinking "Are you kidding me?? I look like I have flames coming out from my head and you're telling me that I look ok? You LIE!" And then I looked at her hair.  Apparently she had tried to darken it and picked a color from the "color wheel".  RED LIGHT. NEVER pick from the COLOR WHEEL.  That means that the "colorist" has no effing clue what they are doing and are going to slop some junk on your head in hopes that it comes out the color that you pick from the "color wheel".  NEVER WORKS.  And my friend? Has a tinge of green to her hair. Nuff said. 

I got mine fixed...BUt I don't think she has any idea that her hair looks a bit like early spring grass.