Mama In Stilettos

Holiday Cheer

Here are some reasons as to why I haven't been physically able to blog this holiday season:

1. Diagnosed with pneumonia 2 weeks before Christmas (little did I know that I actually had it for 2 weeks prior to this diagnosis)

2. I fell down my cellar stairs (not all of them...just 5 of them)

3. I dropped BREAKABLE Christmas gifts down the stairs and guess what?! They BROKE!

4. The top of my daughter's hutch (solid oak) fell ON MY HEAD.  Just decided to fall on my HEAD while sending everything sailing to the floor and smashing (including her piggy bank...now THAT was fun to clean up). I had to manhandle it up over my head and get it back into place. All I can say is thank you to the local Y for kicking my butt. Otherwise I might still be stuck under the mantle.

5. I got in a car accident. Yup. I rear ended someone in holiday traffic. I'm talking-I-left-my-imprint-of-my-license-plate-in-your-bumper kind of rear ender.

6. Son taken to hospital in ambulance for what we thought was trouble breathing...Too bad it was just CROUP.

7. Daughter crying NONSTOP. Diagnosis? Double ear infection.

8.  Husband's car dies.

9. Husband loses $30 worth of VICTORIA'S SECRET ANGEL DOLLARS! (hey! I EARNED those rewards!)

10. I forgot to buy Christmas presents for 3 people. I officially lost my mind this season. 

Now I would like to say a HUGE BUB-BYE to 2009. I expected more from you, honestly. You are a disappointment to me.  <sigh> My expectations were way too high for you.  Now with 2010 approaching, do I lower my expectations, or do I take the chance of being disappointed once again (and crying while ripping apart a calendar).  You said lower my expectations? Yeah. Maybe I won't expect Britney Spears to have my cell number this year and call me and invite me to "hang out" with her in L.A...Maybe that was just too much for 2009 to handle. 2010? You're on notice. Step it up.

Un-Drunk Text

This is a text I read at 9am when I woke up this morning...I know, I know. I am usually up and at 'em quite a bit earlier, but I have been little Miss Sicky Sickerson with pneumonia.  Hence, the sleeping in until I hear the rustling in the kid's beds.

This text was sent to me at 7:30am by my husband (why he thinks I would be up in this condition? I will never know.): 

"Actress britney murphy died. what the........?" (I quote exactly)

Of course I already knew this because I checked the internet before I went to bed last night and it was ALL OVER the media.

This is the text he received back: "ithey are saing caediab seesric...whixh is perbablt overdose" (I quote exactly)

Yep.  When people say "Don't drunk text" it doesn't apply to me...The saying "Don't text before caffeine" makes SO much more sense.

My husband text me back to say that he was "LOL LOL"..So I looked back at my text..

"Leave me alone. I just woke up". (I quote exactly)

Bunnies Bunnies Everywhere

So the saying goes something like this "They are multiplying like rabbits." Well, it seems in my house the saying is true (not counting the many stuffed animals collecting dust mites in my basement.)  These are "boo-boo babies.  Made to use when kids fall and get hurt, making the experience oh-so enjoyable. (If this were AT ALL possible..And who wants to get blood on this suckers anyways? I'm ready to use them as centerpieces!) Behold:

And yet again, behold (although I bought these on my own volition, possibly under the peer pressure of the "boo-boo bunnies")

  Maybe I'm on a "bunny kick"....And we ALL KNOW there are not little bunnies on the way.

Feeling Grinchy

Things that have happened to me today: 1. Went to to a Ri-DONK-u-lous "breakfast with Father Christmas" where he entered the room playing bagpipes, scaring my children bat crazy. And they charged me for a full $12.99 breakfast where I ate nothing because of my celiac disease. And they charged full price for my 2 year old. How much do they think that she can put away? I think it's discrimination. I would have caused a scene, but since I have no voice.... 2. Broke 2 glass Christmas ornaments in my children's presence. My oh my, the self control it took to not use four letter words ( at least whisper them). 3. Fell down my cellar stairs (5 of them and landing on the bottom which is pure concrete), and landed on my knee and ankle. Oh the PAIN. And I could not scream, so my 3 year old saw me and went running to my husband "MOMMY JUST FALLED DADDY!" great, I thought, as I rocked myself in the fetal position. 4. 2 year old (Cam BAM) smashed to smithereens a snow globe. Do you even know how hard it is to get glitter up from a kitchen floor? I dare you to try. And the day is only half over.

Can't wait for what is to come.

Save the Basil!

To save or not to save? 

This is the question.

My husband received this basil plant from a patient awhile (like 3 months ago) and I kinda just threw it in the closest pot on my window sill and I swear, it's surviving out of sheer will.  I hardly water it, it's clearly in the wrong size pot and needs lots of TLC.  The question is, is that should I step it up and resign my self into taking care of this plant.  And it's not because I love basil more than anything in the world or anything, but I have grown to respect the plant and it's sheer will to survive.  Perhaps is a wonder ghetto plant that can overcome all of those obstacles and darkness in life and then go to Harvard for a medical degree or something. 

Anyhoo.  

"I'm on my last legs (or stems!) SAVE ME!"

What do you think? Should I put the effort in even though I have no green thumb (or green anything, for that matter) AT ALL .

Wide Awake

I really need to get to bed earlier.  Although I'm not sure if that would work anyways because I am always reading past my bedtime and then kicking myself as I look at the clock as I turn out the light, knowing what is going to happen in the morning.  

I know that in the morning I will feel as though I need to sleep at least until noon, have a minimum of 5 cups of coffee and complete silence for a hour after I drag out of bed.  Unfortunately this will never happen in my life. Instead, my alarm goes off and my eyes feel like they are made of sandpaper and my body is made of lead.  If I can only get the motivation to put my feet on the floor and make it to the coffee maker, it's a good day.  If it's a bad day, I am falling asleep on the toilet as I pee and catching myself on the side of the sink before I fall to the floor.  

It was a bad morning this morning. Probably one of the worst.  I chugged two cups of coffee while staring into space. I couldn't even get the motivation to check my email or stare at the upcoming sales for Christmas on the flyers on my kitchen table. I was a robot making the kids breakfast, but managed to get my gym clothes on and teeth brushed as I convinced myself that I would "wake up" at the gym.  

I went through the routine of schlepping the kids downstairs to the car in the garage and opened the garage door.  Here's the thing. Our garage is completely broken and everything has to be done by hand except for when it initially opens up the first time in the morning..But after that? I have to back the car out of the garage, disengage the garage motor and close it by hand before jumping BACK INTO the car and on my merry way.  

But man oh man this morning. I opened the garage with the motor, backed the car out of the garage and went to get out of the car to close the garage by hand.  Too bad I left the car in DRIVE as I got out. OH MY GOSH the car was taking off into the garage WITHOUT ME IN IT.  I had to run along side of it for about 6 paces and jump back INTO the car, slam on the brake before it went THROUGH the garage WALL and managed to throw it in park. 

Initiate panic attack.

Now I was definitely awake.

Pacifying

Awhile ago I met a friend at my favorite Vietnamese restaurant.  If you didn't know already, I am OBSESSED with Vietnamese food.  At one point, not so long ago, I was driving 40 minutes round trip 3 times a week to indulge myself.  I get like that.

While I was waiting for my friend and relishing the complimentary tea, I looked over to see a family at a table nearby.  And I almost upchucked my tea.  Why would I want to upchuck the best tea in the world? Because there sitting at the table, appeared to be a child of at least 5 or 6 years of age with a full blown PACIFIER in his mouth.  It looked like the family was finished eating and there the kid was sucking away on a fire engine red pacifier.  How wrong it that?  It's just a step up from nursing! Not that I am against nursing at all in any way.  I think it's great, but not with a five or 6 year old who will REMEMBER nursing.  It freaks me out.  I couldn't help staring (and I certainly not the staring type.  Believe me, as a social worker, I have seen it all, but never a pacifier sucking 6 year old.)  Just think of the dental work ahead for this little boy! His teeth are going to stick out like Bugs Bunny!  But again, it's probably none of my business. Although it MAY be partly my business if I have to look at it when my glorious food arrives all I will be able to think of is this kid and his nipple sucking mouth.

Thank goodness they left before my food arrived. Or I may have insisted on take-out. 

Not a good day. 1 car broke down, I am sick with this weird psycho sickness that I feel fine for a hour and then I feel like death the next hour. The fun part is guessing when it will happen. It's like the Dr. Jackal/Mr. Hyde of sickness. So I am stuck here in the house MISSING the break from the kids at the Y.

My sunshine? My friend came over after her workout with my favorite coffee drink. Half coffee half hot cocoa. BEST FRIEND EVER! Now maybe I can function for a little while.