So I have a bone to pick.
I had this really tight group of friends in high school. We did everything together. I swear. I lived for weekends and for the midweek events that would bring us all together. School was such a minor part of my social life. My boyfriend went to a different high school, my best friend went to a different high school and my two other guy friends were older than I was and they lived in different towns too.
We were a force to be reckoned with. We were definitely the fab five, no doubt about it. We spent every weekend together and laughed our heads off constantly. Wasn't that what best friends did? We went through drive thru's backwards in our cars, went four wheeling in a crappy jeep with no seat belts, jumped from cliffs into murky water filled with disgusting fish, spent summer nights at the pool with take out pizza and harassed each other at our individual jobs. I absolutely loved being with my friends. Part of me was defined by my friendships. And I was proud of it. Not many people can say that they had such a tight knit "gang".
Well, life is life and things do change. I was the first to get married, but I was still very close to my friends, especially my best friend. We were still inseparable. She was my maid of honor and my confident.
Slowly but surely our group dissipated, marriage being the biggest deal breaker. My two closest guy friends got married and quietly disappeared into their roles as husbands. One of them completely disappeared and the other I still talked to and was friends with his wife. I actually "set them up", as she was my friend in college.
So there you have it. I was still very close to my best friend and one of my guy friends and his wife, but my other guy friend and ex, not so much. They kinda fell off the face of the earth for me. I was sad that our group changed because I always had this fantasy that we would be friends forever. We would have families and we would grow together and change together as our lives matured. But that didn't happen.
I had a "falling out" of sorts from the guy friend that I still talked to. I made a few mistakes because I was upset and I ended up hurting him and his wife. Although I apologized twice and was extremely sincere, they simply chose not to forgive. I can't imagine how exhausting it is to carry such a grudge, but that's just not what I do. I don't get it. That's not how I live my life. I forgive and move on. Do I forget the hurt? No, of course not. That just wouldn't be human. But I choose to move past it and start fresh. Get past the initial awkwardness and begin again. Isn't that what life is about anyways? Growth and mistakes? But again, I am loyal to my friendships. I am willing to do anything for my friends. It's just who I am as a person.
So now it's current. I am still fiercely close and devoted to my best friend, and recently bumped into my ex. Which was good because he recently joined the Army. So I guess you never know when someone joins the military. So I was glad for the chance to see him before he was shipped off somewhere and completely out of my orbit forever.
Last night I received a text message from my "best friend" saying "Don't be too shocked by the pictures on Facebook." I was confused, of course. And it was late and I had a loooooong day, a headache and a broken toe (omg. AND husband kicked it accidentally while we were out. I saw STARS and almost passed out from the pain. Right there in JCPenny furniture department. Then? Almost KILLED him...Anyhow....). I grabbed my computer and hopped into bed.
And I couldn't believe my eyes.
Surely me eyes were lying to me.
They had a "reunion". And I wasn't even invited. I didn't even know it was or did happen. And there, right there, were pictures posted.
Are you kidding me?
There they were: my "best friend", two guy friends and my ex. All together. At the same place. For the first time since I don't even know when. Maybe since someone got married like 10 years ago??
And the thing is? Is that my "best friend" and I talked about a "reunion" ALL THE TIME.
And it happened. And I wasn't there.
How hurtful is that?
And the excuse? That I may have a problem with one of the guy friends because of that "issue" that was SO long ago is was before Obama was even President.
Seriously? Get over it. For the sake of a "reunion"? Get over it. If you are a genuine friend? You would accept the apology and MOVE ON.
And here's the kicker. My "best friend" was there. And the thing is? Is that I would NEVER attend something like that without her. NEVER. Possibly I am loyal to a fault. Why did she go without me? I will never know. Did she orchestrate the entire thing behind my back? Omg. My heart hurts.
I spent the night crying last night.
And crying this morning.
To see pictures of your best friends of ALL TIME together without you is so incredibly heart breaking I can't even explain. How can I not be hurt?
So I thought maybe I was overreacting. Turns out I'm not. My mom hurts for me and my husband? Just plain mad because of how upset I am and how people can do this to me. And my other bestie? Totally gets it. So I know I'm not crazy or insane (because sometimes? I totally am.).
I am allowing myself to be hurt right now. And a little (or a lot) angry. But then I need to forgive and move on with my true friends.
As my mom says: "Get better, not bitter."
This is what I choose.
